Imagine Me A World

whatever comes up (or goes down)

Smile again in earnest July 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — givenpeace @ 8:55 pm

Improving Emotional Health: Strategies and Tips for Good Mental Health

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I’m asking myself: Is this necessary? Why their hell do i want to show the world this web page that is the first result of the Google search: ‘Emotional help’. And do you know what the answer is?? Its that i can’t seem to find Anyone who can understand me, who would listen to me without reacting in a way that will simply piss me off this way i can just ramble and not become even more fucking paranoid.

I can’t seem to help it. I feel in a rut and I’m not even flippin’ 17 yet. I feel like my life is worthless and yet I have not even had the chance to prove myself. I feel alone yet I’m the youngest of 12 children. I feel breathless yet i can still slash out at my closest. I feel like I’m being suffocating when in truth I’m the only one who can lift the pillow that’s smothering my spirits. I don’t know what to do and all i want is to cry. Yet tears don’t spill, i won’t let them. They’re weak and futile and I want to make a difference yet I have no one to lean on…body, mind and soul. I hate this weakness, I seem to hate…me.

I feel pain yet my doctor and family seem to dismiss my worries…well they did once, now i no longer communicate, after all What is the point? If I die I die and if I go to hell I’ll go to hell just as as I’ve fallen into this pit of emotional distress that i once (and perhaps still do) frown upon, and feel i shall never return to the surface.

I feel weak and wish I could simply ignore my emotions and feeling…they’re useless and don’t serve a purpose, but neither do i, now.

What happens when suicide is tempting, yet death seems a waste? What happens when your lessons resurface to aid the time of distress, yet don’t succeed…after all; why listen to those who never really showed you any affection? But detention and burdens? What happens when even the sight of adult authority makes to So very agree you can do nothing but seethe in silence and imagine that which would shock any sane human. And finally what do I do when I cannot hand around my beloved family for the fear that I may come to despise them??? What is happening to me??? Why do I no longer smell the beauty of religion when I once breathed in its very vitality and wonder and found myself in utter content? After those fumes began to fade all I could see was despair and the harsh brutality of life and feel anger at the slightest smile and smirk.

I want to breathe again; I want to smile in truth again; I want to know the beauty of life, family and religion again and the joys of creativity. I pray that one day I will. Ameen.


The Scales Through Time May 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — givenpeace @ 1:08 am

When moments drop

and the count becomes nowt,

the earth and my world

add century’s to your calender,

words to your text books.

But don’t dare ask your father questions

cause the salt still stings,

and the bee’s have wings.

The flour may be white

but the scales know it’s not always lite.


Longwinded October 18, 2008

Filed under: Book Reviews — givenpeace @ 10:19 pm
Tags: ,

Currently Reading: Tommy Sullivan Is a Freak by Meg Cabot

Just Watched: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: ‘Angel’

I have always been a fan of Meg Cabot (for as long as I have read her books) and even though many times before I have remarked upon the racing-off-the-topic thoughts that seem to waffle from the minds of her teenage character, I have never seem it displayed so blatantly as it is done in Tommy Sullivan Is a Freak. The plot is all well and good (don’t get me wrong) but the waffle! It simply drags to way beyond the limitation line.

I find myself constantly thinking ‘hurry up to the present, to the dialogue. Why the hell do I want to know the 22 reasons why Katie doesn’t drive a car‘ and then the next page which relates the ‘REAL’ reasons why she doesn’t drive a car!’ I honestly tell you, its appalling! Then we have the list of all the ‘sicks’ she is, from car-sick to sea-sickness. God, it doesn’t even have any relevance!

However aside from the absurd amount of (IMO) unprofessional longwindedness, the book certainly has many unique qualities that I have not yet read in any of MC’s previous books. Her more recent books however are another matter. The heroines (in the books) seem to be more complexly developed and more real (meaning that they seem to fit into the role of a typical teenager). I wonder if this is only because these books are more recent so more in tune to current ethnology.

Whatever the reason I have to say that I really enjoyed Princess Diaries No.9 which was probably the most mature and spectacular book in the series. Which really surprised me as I have only ever read the first 3 in the series and find Mia Thermopolis to be rather circumlocutory, so now I’m actually looking forward to the last and final Princess Diaries No.10. Which happens to take place (quiet efficiently IMO) during her 18th birthday, because for how long can a girl remain 15? No wonder the books drag.

Moving on: I just read L.J.Smith’s latest story update, this one is about Jez and Morgead from her Night World series. Its very long and slightly disturbing however we see a glimpse into their past that just made my day (…or night) =].



Restless October 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — givenpeace @ 11:29 pm
Tags: , ,

You often relate to being restless; you’re either just too lazy to think resourcefully or you simply want out and maybe sometimes you really just don’t know what to do. But today I actually had this approximate 15 minutes of mind-convuling, nerve shaking period of restlessness.

I had just finished watching the Ugly Betty Season 2 finale where we end off on a totally odd cliff-hanger and this (odd) yet cool song and the inmage of a black-suited Daniel a.k.a: Eric Mabius(& son) pack up to leave his only, ever (family) job. Yet how can a mindless drama and the current obsession of Mark Walden’s H.I.V.E series lead to such a moment of restlessness when my head starts to spin like the aftermath of Oblivion and you’re incoherency matches Clark Kent’s abysmal dress code (in the first seven season; He is after all starting to look more presentable, now that he no longer works on a farm and has to ‘dress to impress’).

So that’ that for my first blog not much but a attempt.